Cultivating the Professional Relationship: What It Really Takes
Professional relationships take time. Though this statement seems fairly forthright, it's amazing how often we forget that a relationship — any relationship — takes cultivation.
Three prominent speakers — Og Mandino, Joe Larson and Rita Davenport — were speaking at the Arizona Chapter meeting that day. That didn't deter me. It was my very first meeting, and the woman next to me had a nametag that indicated she was a meeting planner. Mandino's words could have changed the world, yet the only thing I was interested in was in getting that lady's attention. Finally, she asked for my card.
She called me the next day. As kindly as she could, she explained the rules of life. Focus on the other person's needs, she said, not your own. Take the time to get to know someone. Be respectful. Build relationships through honesty, integrity and authenticity. And don't ever interrupt the speaker!
Her lesson was hard to swallow and has served me well. Throughout the 20 years I've been speaking, I've been honored to be appointed to a multitude of meetings industry committees, where I've represented NSA. Currently I serve as an MIC liaison and as a member of the NSA/IASB taskforce.
New speakers call to ask how they can market to MPI or work with a particular speakers bureau. My experience indicates that marketing doesn't work for these groups; I can only tell them how they can cultivate, begin, start, open the door to a working professional relationship.
Not a Monologue, But a Conversation
A relationship isn't a monologue; it's a conversation. Every relationship — personal and professional — is built on mutual respect and trust. It's a two-way street, not a concerted advertising campaign. Dumping bureau-friendly one-sheets and videos on every bureau in the directory, for instance, creates neither business nor a professional image, let alone a relationship!
A professional relationship requires doing the right things right over a sustained period of time. It's talking about the other person's needs first and then our own. It's being respectful of their needs first and always. It's focusing on their success rather than our own. The maxim that we get back what we give out is the basis for every solid professional relationship.
Think back to the NSA relationships you've developed. Think of the people you can call to ask advice, knowing they'll tell you their truth. Think of the people you trust to steer you in the right direction. How did those relationships happen? (They probably didn't just happen!) Even among ourselves (admittedly a more talkative, open and bizarre group than most!), our "real" relationships have grown not because someone wowed us from the platform, or sent us their materials so we'd be aware of how wonderful they are, but because we worked with them on a chapter event or some committee and interacted with them over time. We worked together, showing our character, and developed a relationship together.
Relationships with speakers bureaus take time, too. They don't just happen because we're new or experienced speakers or even because we're great speakers.
Task Force Aimed at Improving Speaker/Bureau Relationships
The NSA/IASB taskforce was formed to help speakers and bureaus understand each other better, work better together, and in turn, serve clients better. Jo Cavender, Michelle Lemmons and Brian Palmer are three speaker's bureau members of this committee.
Jo Cavender, principle of Speakers Connection, said, "Over the years, speaker relationships that have developed rarely got started with a booking. While we might have shared our first words through an industry channel like an NSA meeting, IASB meeting or another conference, we cemented the relationship at a more personal level. Of course, it is important for speakers to have the credentials required to meet our clients' needs, but when those items are equal, it's the genuine, authentic soul where we touch each other at the core of human need that makes the relationship."
When asked who he likes to work with, Brian Palmer, owner of National Speakers Bureau, said, "We tend to be attracted to people who are concerned about our success and that of our client, as well as their own success."
"It's also important from the speaker's perspective," Palmer pointed out, "to work with bureaus they are comfortable with and represent them in the way they'd like to be represented. Not everyone can have a professional relationship, because their definitions of professional simply don't mesh."
Bureau Needs Vary Widely
Just as each person has different needs, so does each bureau. Some bureaus may want a percentage of book sales; others may not be concerned. Some want to follow up and control every lead right from the start; others may be perfectly content to have the speaker follow up first. The best way to develop a powerful and professional relationship is to ask, ask, ask. We all know the definition of the word "assume," and it isn't pretty!
To qualify as a relationship, both sides must be involved and each must respect the other's way of doing business. If a bureau is uncomfortable with a speaker's ethics, it just won't book him or her. Likewise, if a speaker has concerns about integrity, structure or representation, that speaker should not attempt to forge a relationship.
Michelle Lemmons, principle of International Speakers Bureau, agreed. She said, "The speakers we are most successful with are the ones we know well, because both sides have taken the interest to understand how the other one works. It is a partnership for all, the client, the speaker and the bureau. We look for speakers and clients who are in it for the long run. That's why it is important that instead of only listening to each other, we take the time to hear each other."
Flexibility is Key
Lemmons added a fact that speakers sometimes forget. She asked us to remember that there is an overabundance of speakers today. She said, "The running joke in my house is, 'Everyone wants to be a speaker!' With that in mind, flexibility is key. Why work with someone who is difficult, when there is someone else with equal or greater ability who is easy to work with?"
Sometimes the obvious is not apparent. Sometimes we believe we can take shortcuts on the road to building a relationship. Those speakers interested in the proverbial win-win scenario will keep in mind that old, old Jewish proverb (maybe it's not Jewish, but my mother told it to me often) that says, "To be a friend, be a friend." That's the start, and essence, of the perfect professional relationship.
Five Must-Do's to Build Professional Relationships
- Be Patient
Relationships are based on mutual trust and respect. Only by observing and interacting over a period of time can a relationship grow.
- Be Sincere
Brian Palmer coined the phrase, "database friends" for people who call him and ask personal questions, though it is apparent to him that they really don't care. There are those that call and ask the same questions each time. "How is (pause, eyes scan for the right ACT field) Rachel (my daughter)?" someone might ask, says Palmer. "I'm not asking that the caller necessarily care about my family. If they ask, however, they should mean it. Just as I expect them to be genuine about their concern for my client's and my success, I expect them to be genuine in all aspects of the relationship."
- Be Other-Person Focused
"By looking for the other person's needs," Cavender said, "our own needs are met. Not a rocket science answer, but sometimes the obvious can't be overstated."
- Be Easy to Work With
There are too many choices out there to expect a bureau to put up with a prima donna. It's not just about how you can help the bureau sell you by providing them with bureau-friendly one-sheets; that's still focusing on yourself (and it's a given)! It's how you focus on the success of the bureau's clients. It's getting those cards and leads back to them quickly, and much more. It's not insisting on a room by the elevator, away from the elevator, in the middle of the hall; ice water, room temperature water, hot water by the bed stand, on the lectern, in the limo! Being easy to work with means taking care of personal concerns on your own, and letting the bureau spend their time (and their client's time) on more important matters.
- Be Picky
"If bureaus are fundamentally mismatched to your business practices, move on," advises Palmer. Sometimes it's healthy to agree to disagree and take your business elsewhere.
Sue Hershkowitz-Coore, CSP, is a former NSA Board member and officer, co-Convention chair, Workshop chair and youth chair. She was twice elected president of the Arizona chapter, and voted Arizona member of the year. Sue has been appointed to four MPI international committees, and she is currently involved with the Women's Leadership Initiative.
Previously printed in the September 2003 issue of Professional Speaker.
Please reprint articles with our permission, by including this copyright information: Copyright © Sue Hershkowitz-Coore, CSP, phone (480) 575-9711, www.speakersue.com
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